India Not a Part of BRIC Countries
31 July 2013
New York/Mumbai/New Delhi: Jim O'Neill, the Chairman of Goldman Sachs Asset Management today dropped a bomb during a press conference in New York when he said he had never included India in BRIC group of countries. “I was basically bullish only on three countries, Russia, Brazil, and China…India was not even on the remote radar.”
Then why was India included? Asked the Funnynomics correspondent.
It was never included in the first place…..I simply added an alphabet “I” to make it sound good.”
Can you please clarify on that?
“Look it is not difficult…I have been too long a part of financial industry and I knew that the financial industry always seeks cute acronyms. So I tried BRC, RBC, and such combinations, but they were not appealing enough.” Mr. O’Neill looked at the press reporters, who were by now at the edge of the seats. “Having looked at these combinations, I then tried to add a phoney vowel, but again I failed. Adding A was disastrous as nobody would like to accept BRAC for a group of extremely progressive countries. My associates then pressed for CRAB, but again others objected saying a crab was too slow for a very dynamic group of countries. Similar objections were raised for letter O, U and E. In the end I decided to use the alphabet “I”.”
“But then why didn’t you tell everyone that “I” was simply an alphabet and not something that meant India?” The patriotic zeal in Funnynomics correspondent obviously reflected on her face.
“I intended to, but before I could do so, the Indian press got gung-ho about the whole thing. They beat the drums so hard that I found it difficult to tell them that it was not “I” for India. It was….you know something that happened to the hero of the Indian movie Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara; you will recollect that in the opening scenes Abhay Deol basically intended to gift a diamond ring to his mother, but others at the table thought it was a marriage proposal to Kalki Koechlin and banded it up so much that poor man was forced to toss a marriage proposal - even though he didn’t want to….”
Meanwhile India reacted sharply to the news. Entire political top brass of the country huddled together to discuss the startling revelation. Mr. P. Chidambaram issued a statement in Parliament that India was asking Goldman Sachs to turn Jim O’Neill to India so that our psychiatrists could examine him.
The opposition members pooh-poohed the plan, saying it was too insignificant an action. Mr. Chidambaram emphasised that more was afoot. “I assure the august House that the government will not spare Mr. O’Neill. I can tell you that as we are discussing this matter here, the Home Ministry is busy issuing a Red Corner notice. Efforts are on to get him here. You see, it is a serious issue. We in India are emotional lot..we begin to seriously believe what we are told. Today all our citizens believe we are dynamic economy and belong to the hallowed BRIC group. Suddenly telling us we don’t belong hurts.”
Later, speaking to the press persons Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde said he was simultaneously launching a CBI enquiry into the matter. “The CBI officials are likely to subject Mr. O’Neill to polygraph tests to ascertain the veracity of his claims.”
In the evening Law minister Kapil Sibal said his ministry will soon submit a motion in Parliament to promulgation a law which would disallow anybody from withdrawing any tags he awards to India. “It would be considered an act of treason and will be dealt with accordingly.”
Mr. Shankar Sharma of First Global said there was no need to bother about Jim O’Neill. “He is heavily short on Indian stocks and is just trying to make a quick buck.”
Meanwhile Press Council of India Chairman Mr. Katju said he will write to President Obama to direct Goldman Sachs to declare that “I” stands for India and nothing else. “In fact I am separately writing to the UNESCO to amend text books around the world clearly mentioning that “I” doesn’t stand for inkpot or iPhone, it stands only for INDIA.”
In a separate development, the governments of Indonesia and Ireland said they were trying to get Goldman Sachs to declare that their inclusion into the BRIC fold. While Irish government said "I" belonged to Ireland, a similar claim was tossed by the Indonesian government.
Meanwhile the FinMin’s dilemma is how to sell the country now in absence of BRIC credentials. “We are yet to figure out how Mr. Chidambaram will entice the global investors the next time he travels abroad.” He said. “We are left with nothing much. Our GDP growth is nothing to talk about. We don’t really belong to ASEAN. We are pretty much a back-bencher in COMMONWEALTH. We have nowhere to go. Our India Story falls flat without BRIC.”
However another official, speaking on condition of anonymity, dismissed this, saying the view was too pessimistic. “We can always plead with Pakistan to award us the Most Favoured Nation title.”
(Disclaimer: This news report is pure fiction, a produce of fertile imagination, and none of the people, organisations, NGO, politicians, office bearers, or government officials mentioned on this page have anything to do with this topic, subject or report. Entire fabrication is meant for simple fun.)
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