Start-up launches PineApple Watch
13 March 2015
Mumbai: Move over Apple; here is PineApple.
An Indian start-up duo has produced what is being termed as an Apple Watch clone. Phonetic resemblance aside, the company says this watch, unlike the Apple version, is specifically designed for Indians, and hence a much superior product for them.
Produced by co-founders Tim Jobani and Steve Cookani, in India’s fake start-up capital Ulhasnagar, the watch goes far beyond the functionality of $349 Apple variety.
To begin with, the PineApple watch not only displays the normal time but also auspicious time, something very important for Indians. It displays shubh muhoort for various jobs undertaken by the wearer. “Take for example a simple act of going to office.” Said Mr. Tim Jobani, one of the co-founders of PineApple. “Our watch tells the wearer precise Yatra Muhurtam, signalling exact time when he must step out of the house.
But wouldn’t this Yatra Muhurtam be the same for all buyers of the watch? Asked Funnynomics correspondent.
“No...Not at all.” Informed Steve Cookani. “That’s the beauty of our algorithmically driven software. It incorporates the planetary position of that day and the geographical location with the kundali of the wearer. Notice the words....Kundali of the wearer. So it is extremely personal. Of course....as you can understand....the wearer is supposed to feed his kundali into the watch for the first time soon after the purchase.”
“With the wearer always stepping out in best muhurtam, he will not have to bother about disasters and accidents.” Said Tim Jobani. “Consequently...there will be no need to spend money on buying Limbu-Mirchi type of stuff.”
“You don’t even have to bother about black cats crossing your path,” quipped Cookani, “your auspicious start nullifies all bad omens.”
As if that is not enough, the watch also displays at what precise time Abhijit Muhurat starts and ends, when Rahukal begins and ends. The watch that pairs with android smartphones, will even suggest day time Choghadiya viz, Shubh, Rog, Udveg, Char, Labh, Amrit, Kaal, and Shubh again. Needless to mention, it also displays precise night time Choghadiya.
About to enter a new house? Well first check out your PineApple watch for a suitable moment. It informs you about you whether Dvaadashi Tithi of Shukla Paksh (Nakshatra: Pushya) in the month of falgun is auspicious for Griha Pravesh or not.
“Yet another bumper feature is,” Said Steve Cookani, “its capacity to suggest best period for your marriage. For this the would-be bride and groom will have to pair their watches together. Just the way we match kundalini nowadays, the two watches will have to be paired through NFC or Bluetooth. Once aligned, the algorithm will go through the existing planetary position in synchronisation with that of the two wearers and suggest a list of dates, starting with the best.”
“Goes without saying,” said Tim Jobani, “it will save lacs of rupees people generally spend on appeasing astrologers and priests.”
“We are also working on an in-house app,” said Steve Cookani, that will directly sift through database of various matrimonial sites to get you the most compatible spouse.
“That will like Bharatmatrimony.com and Shaadi.com directly.” Said Jobani. “Thus doing away with the barbars and match-making aunties who have plagued our society for ages.”
(Disclaimer: This news report is pure fiction, a produce of fertile imagination, and none of the people, organizations, NGO, politicians, office bearers, or government officials mentioned on this page have anything to do with this topic, subject or report. Entire fabrication is meant for simple fun.)
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