RBI to Re-brand the Rupee
29 July 2013
Mumbai: The RBI today said in a statement that it is about to undertake a massive rebranding exercise about the rupee.
According to the statement the rupee will be rechristened as Khushiyon Bhara Rupya. “This is being done to keep the currency abreast with the changing times.” Said the statement. “Our market surveys have observed that in these gloomy times the people are charmed by the word KHUSHI. With more than 30 popular brands of FMCGs currently using variations of word KHUSHI in either the product name or product advertising, the central bank feels the re-branding exercise will warm the people up towards the national currency.”
Later in the day RBI Governor Dr. D. Subbarao said at a press conference that the RBI was undertaking this exercise not only to enthuse people but also to deter them from selling it against foreign currencies. “Nobody wants to sell something that signifies happiness and buy something that is drab.”
“But sir…do you realise that it looks a crazy name for a currency?” Asked Funnynomics correspondent. “No other country has such a name for its currency.”
“But then no other currency has problems that ours is facing. Is there any country which buys $150 billion worth of crude while exporting a mere $300 billion worth of goods? Is there any country which depends so much on imported palm oil and pulses? Unique problems demand unique solutions.” Mr. Subbarao Smiled. “And by the way, have you seen the new Coca Cola rebranding exercise?..I am talking about “Bewajah Khushiyaan Lutao, Coca-Cola Pilao”..this campaign inspires everyone to spread and share happiness without any reason, through little gestures like sharing an ice-cold bottle of Coca-Cola…if you see..we are also trying to do the same..basically the rupee is on a losing spree..so strictly speaking we are also telling people to share happiness without any reason.”
“More...If Domino’s Pizza can provide Khushiyon ki Home Delivery, if Max Life Insurance can do Khushiyon ki Planning for the customers, if Tata Nano could provide Khushiyon ki Chaabi to people, if Airtel could ring in Khushiyon ki Diwali for its subscribers, and if Maggi could server Khushiyon ka Khazana to its customers, why not the RBI could provide Khushiyon Bhara Rupya to the citizen of this country? Just because people have a block in their mind? Just because they are old-fashioned?”
Meanwhile, in what could turn out to be a major setback, BJP’s Prime Ministerial candidate Narendra Modi said he disapproves of the move. “Remember the famous dialogue of Mughal-E-Azam: Khushiyon ka izhaar kamzarf insaan kiya karte hain. We don’t want this goodie-goodie talk. We want an onward and forward India…we will re-brand the rupee as Joshiley Rupaye.”
BSP Supremo Mayavati too rejected it. She said that while she was not against Khushiyan, she’d prefer a rebranding that would cut Brahmins to the size. “I would rather call it a-manuwadi rupyya."
Baba Ramdev also disliked the idea. He said whatever the re-branding style, he first and foremost wants a clean currency. “Hamari maang hai Safed Rupya.” We demand clean currency...even if that means no pictures or no ink.”
Equally telling was the comment of a forex guru. He said he’d prefer a rupee that behaves predictably. “Since last ten years I am predicting a strong rupee...a rupee going to 25 and 30 against the USD, whereas this rupee just goes on sliding....my corporate clients are knee-deep in red ink...some are contemplating suicide. Obviously, I’d prefer a Jeetne Wala Rupya.”
(Disclaimer: This news report is pure fiction, a produce of fertile imagination, and none of the people, organisations, NGO, politicians, office bearers, or government officials mentioned on this page have anything to do with this topic, subject or report. Entire fabrication is meant for simple fun.)
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